April 07, 2004

The Most Hateful Show on TV

I feel it necessary to discuss the newest and by far the most hateful show to ever appear on national television. Prior to this discovery I truly believed Extreme Makeover was one of the meanest and most entertaining shows available. But no.…Fox has surpassed ABC’s right to ridicule the ugly people of America.

This new show I speak of is called The Swan. The premise is to take a handful of the ugliest, most pathetic women they can find and make them as beautiful as plastic surgery and any means besides magic and prayers will allow.

So in the beginning it is equal in hate with Extreme Makeover by broadcasting to the nation how truly ugly you happen to me, so ugly that a network decided that they have to help you look at least moderately attractive. Then they proceed to follow you through the MONTHS and MONTHS it takes to make this transformation happen, thereby showing America how much pain you went through to be beautiful…or in the majority of cases…less ugly.

Now The Swan goes one step further and pushes the hateful factor so far that I truly must applaud them. After they have taken these women through months and months of plastic surgery - and not once allowing them to look at themselves in a mirror - they finally reveal the finished product to the unsuspecting former ugly ladies. After the excitement, the screams, the crying, the disbelief at how much money can actully buy, Fox throws in the hate.

Now that you all THINK you’re finally pretty we’re going to decide which ones of you are pretty ENOUGH to particpate in a beauty contest. Now that we have boosted your self esteem to levels of shallowness you never thought possible, we’re going to destroy any ounce of self confidence you have on national tv by eliminating the women who still aren’t up to standards after complete facial reconstruction, liposuction, tummy tucks, butt lift, boob jobs and God knows what else.

This my friends is true hate at work and I cannot wait to watch and sit with my mouth agape in horror at the pains these poor women have to go through to possibly be accepted by tv standards. It premieres tonight on Fox at 9pm after another wonderful hateful show American Idol with Mr. Hate himself, Simon Cowell (whom I also cannot get enough of…i think its the smirk). I will be tuning in to participate in the hate…cause quite frankly I just can’t resist. Judge me all you want, i don’t care.

Posted by Adrienne at April 7, 2004 11:15 AM

"how truly ugly you happen to me"
is a great typo.

also, i saw a preview for this too and i thought it said something about how they did the makeover really fast. like 2 weeks or something? is that completely wrong? i'm far more willing to believe your account than my own ears though since i wasn't really paying attention to the commercial for it.

Posted by: michele on April 7, 2004 12:51 PM

Yes, the whole thing takes place over a few months. And I must agree that it's pretty heinous. But if you were really, really ugly and someone was willing to pay the bills and give you a whole new face/body in exchange for a little public ridicule and humiliation ... wouldn't you at least think twice about it?

I guess you really have to be that unfortunate looking to have the right perspective. I don't know. Hooray for being average looking, I say.

Posted by: kati on April 7, 2004 01:15 PM

This is the difference between you and me, while you enjoy these types of shows, I cringe and have to change the channel in horror as I am always personally embarrassed for these people. It's like I'm the one that's being criticized.

However I have been enjoying watching Playing it Straight and yelling at the screen, "You're so gay! Just admit it" But I suppose that a completely different type of show.

Posted by: nuala on April 7, 2004 01:22 PM

Nope. Nope. It's the same.
I'm sure you'd rather that it's not. But it is.
You're as bad as the rest of us. Sorry.

Posted by: kati on April 7, 2004 01:30 PM

may i just go ahead and be the feminist dork who registers the obvious complaint that these types of shows only perpetuate vanity in american culture and promote the notion that you must be attractive to be accepted?

having said that, i am revolted by, yet inexplicably drawn to the grotesqueness of these shows, watching them scrape and plunder away at all that extra skin and fat. yuck! but can i change the channel? nooo...

Posted by: jade on April 7, 2004 02:12 PM

Michele - I very much appreciate the acceptance of my typo.. :)

and i do feel awful for these women but that doesn't make it any less funny or captivating in the worst way. I haven't been watching the Playing it Straight show, but i think its safe to say that i would be yelling at the tv screen to an embarrasing degree.

this damn reality trend...i fought it for the longest time and i just can't fight it any more!

Posted by: Adrienne on April 7, 2004 02:27 PM

I think there's a show out there that showcases an even more pathetic group of ugly people. While the premise might not be as hateful, these people are absolutely the bottom of the barrel. That show would be MTV's "I Want A Famous Face." These are ugly people that were already going to go through with the plastic surgery and decided the let MTV film it. I say, if you're going to go to such extremes to change your appearance and you're going to let a television film crew catch every second, then the network better be footing the bill. At least the girls on the Swan got Fox to pay for it.

Posted by: Clint on April 8, 2004 08:43 AM

i briefly browsed the tv channels last night and saw the first few minutes of this. it was horrid! i wanted them to stop calling it the swan "program". plus, that jack-ass husband of the one girl who was all, "she's just average looking," when he himself was certainly nothing to write home about. not even on a post-it. ugh. stupid show. i quickly went back to watching episodes of 'firefly' on dvd.

Posted by: michele on April 8, 2004 09:32 AM

Krista and I were glued to the TV watching it last night. However whenever they said Swan "program" or "team" I yelled you mean explotation! I throughly enjoyed myself. Krista and I predicted a future dumping of said moronic and ugly husband.

Posted by: nuala on April 8, 2004 12:41 PM

i watched in complete and total elated horror. It was so tacky on so many different levels...such an awful, evil, guilty pleasure.

Posted by: Adrienne on April 8, 2004 01:40 PM

Man ... that show was something else.
I didn't really even know what to make of it. I do, however, agree with Krista on her prediction of the dumping of the asshole husband now that the girl is pretty. Also, I liked her attitude through the whole thing. She was plucky.
But, wow. It was a little weird.

Posted by: kati on April 8, 2004 01:41 PM