November 11, 2004


Lately, it has proven very difficult for me to concentrate on the superficial aspects of my life. I have been too distracted by good friends, intelligent conversations, and adoring compliments about how fabulous I am to truly focus on the exterior - the part that really counts.

I have let myself go. Granted my idea of letting myself go includes only two trips to the gym a week and only one appointment to have SOMEONE else blow dry my hair, but still, I must practice what I preach.

Therefore, I am implementing PROJECT SHALLOW. The guidelines and requirements of PROJECT SHALLOW are as follows:

1. Two hours at the gym six days a week regardless of rain, sleet, or snow.
2. On the seventh day, to validate absence of gym attendance, a facial, manicure, and pedicure must be administered.
3. Daily hair maintenance - a ponytail is only allowed once a week - all other times hair must be blown out to look shiny, soft, and flowing ever so seductively over my shoulders.
4. No alcohol
5. No whining - its unattractive.

Foreseeable problems that may interfere and perhaps sabotage PROJECT SHALLOW:

1. Friends - "Fuck the gym, let's go out!"
2. Men - "You don't need the gym." (oh so dangerous)
3. Money - beauty is not only painful my friends but expensive - consistent blow outs, manicures, pedicures, and facial costs will severely dent my bank account - and before you ask NO - I will not do those things at home...shallow and snob generally go hand in hand.
4. Tequila!
5. Work - ten to twelve hour workdays generally lead to no energy which could pose a problem, its somewhat hard to do sit ups when one doesn't have the energy to actually sit up.

So I am currently weighing the pros and cons. The anticipated problems could be too much for one person to handle alone. I think I may have to recruit another shallow person to participate in this project, the logical choice being Clint.

Additions to PROJECT SHALLOW are welcome, if I have forgotten key elements to leading a truly superficial existence I would love to hear them, along with any likely problems. When I am rich I can pay people to give me advice, suck the fat out of me, get rid of my wrinkles, and of course pay me compliments, but for now I must pretend to care enough to do this on my own.

Posted by Adrienne at 09:05 AM