Clint and I have finally decided to get married.
Yes, yes i know - he's gay, but that is so not the point right now.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, and after much consideration we have decided that we just can't take it anymore. A man has caused both of us so much pain and suffering that it has become clear that we are each other's only salvation.
The man who has ruined our lives goes by the name of George W. Bush, some people use this silly term President when they say his name, but Clint and I simply refuse. As hard as we try to ignore it, it seems that some people may also choose to continue to let this brainless excuse for a human being run the country. Therefore we have decided to flee.
If the "President" gets re-elected Clint and I will have a big gay wedding in New York City, to which we expect everyone to attend, and then prepare for our move. Where you might ask? Well as a sincere Fuck You to the American people who vote for Bush, Clint and I will be using the beauty of my dual citizenship - we will be moving to France.
At the moment we have not decided on the specific location, Clint is all about GAY Paris, while I am pushing for a more neutral place, a little village just outside of Nice would be best, near a "big city", just shy of Italy, a hop skip and a jump to Monte Carlo, I like some variety.
We plan on drinking lots of wine, eating lots of rich beautiful food without gaining an ounce, taking weekend trips to other countries because we can, and most importantly finding men to "spice" up the marriage.
However, we would like to stay. Marriage is eventually such a chore and the move would cause a lot of stress in what is supposed to be our honeymoon phase. So I am making a desperate plea - if you love us and want us to stay - vote for Kerry.
If you're dumb enough to vote for Bush then consider us strangers - hateful strangers.
And if you vote for Kerry and Bush still wins, we expect you to visit.
I have mouse.
I have a creepy, crawly, scared little mouse living in my house with me and he has decided to camp out in my bedroom.
Now after the initial "Fuck me that's a mouse!" reaction I became strangly sympathetic to the poor dirty little creature. Why? Well to begin with its harmless, it probably is just looking for food - which is funny since this bitch doesn't even cook so there is no chance of finding any food anywhere near me unless the mouse comes along to the restaurant of choice for the evening.
More importantly it is probably more scared of me than I could ever be of him. In fact when I saw it scurry across th edge of my wall and let out my girly squeal it seemed to realize " oh shit, i went the wrong way" and it scurried back to where it came from and i have not seen it since. So he seems to be avoiding me as much if not more than i am avoiding him.
The bigger problem is the noises. Now everytime i hear a sqeak of a door, a rustling of a paper, even a voice outside, i start looking all over the room for the little fucker. i don't actually know whats worse, seeing it or hearing it and wondering what its doing. Speaking to my mom also did no good as her response (after squealing and screaming in my ear over the phone) was "Where there's one, there's ten more" which really helped my frame of mind.
But the dilemma is how to get rid of it. If i had a cat i would just figure its a battle of David and Goliath and if the little mouse is meant to exist then the cat simply won't catch him but will merely scare him. However, I don't have a cat...i also don't have my dog Rocky who would be cowering in the corner with me and at the very least providing me with some emotional support. So I have to catch it and that means one of two things - I either have to use a trap that will kill it or I have to use a trap that will catch it in a "humane way".
But either way I will be disturbed. If i kill it then i essentially have murdered a poor defenselss little creature and if i trap it i have to check the traps and deal with a creepy crawly dirty rodent!
I don't know what to do. I am also scared to tell my roommate as he is more of a girl than I am and I think he may have a seizure if he finds out that there is a mouse in the house. And I don't know what's worse for my mental health - killing my roommate with the information that there is a mouse or killing the mouse myself.
what's a cowardly girl to do?