Smurf Killing - seriously

I found this highly disturbing and almost entertaining but my inner five year old is a little too traumatized to truly appreciate the actual humor that exists in this - but I’ll get there…most likely in like five minutes.

UNICEF Snuffs Smurfs

by Josh Grossberg
Oct 11, 2005, 8:00 AM PT

It’s just another smurfy day in Smurf Village. The perpertually perky blue beings frolic around the fire, holding hands and singing that “tra-la-la-la-la-la” tune as bluebirds flutter by and rabbits hop around.

A regular Smurftopia.

But then the bombs come.

Hundreds of them raining down from warplanes in the sky, wiping out the mushroom-shaped abodes. Amid the fiery explosions, Smurfette is killed. Papa Smurf disappears. As the smoke clears, only an orphaned Baby Smurf remains, sobbing among the corpses.

No, this is not some pipe dream of Gargamel. The Smurfocide was instead perpetuated by the United Nations Children’s Fund, or UNICEF.

UNICEF’s Belgian office is using the Smurfs as the centerpiece of a new fundraising initiative to shock viewers into donating money to help children in war-torn regions. The agency also hopes to rehabilitate former child soldiers in Burundi.

“The idea of using familiar, reassuring childhood icons in a decidedly dangerous context was intended to bring home to the public the horrendous nature of this theft of children’s rights,” says UNICEF’s Gaelle Buasson.

“We could have shown real-live images of children wounded in Iraq, Palestine or other places. But we refused this option because they would not respect the dignity and rights of the depicted children…So we decided to use ‘fictive’ cartoon images.”

Dubbed the first adults-only version of The Smurfs, UNICEF’s 30-second ‘toon ends with the tagline: “Don’t let war affect the lives of children.”

After coming up with the idea for the Smurfogeddon, UNICEF obtained permission to create the short from IMPS, which took over control of the critters after the death of their creator, the Belgian cartoonist Peyo. The clip was previewed on Belgian TV last week during evening newscasts.

According to London’s Daily Telegraph, the spot evoked mixed emotions from viewers—including shock from children who accidentally caught the spot.

But the clip received a thumbs up from the official Smurf fan club. “I think it will wake up some people. It is so un-Smurf-like, it might get people to think,” a spokesman told the Telegraph.

Julie Lamoureux, account director for Publicis, the ad agency that created the campaign, says the original concept included even more graphic imagery of weapons of mass Smurfstruction.

“We wanted something that was real war—Smurfs losing arms, or a Smurf losing a head—but they said no,” she told the Telegraph.

The clip will begin airing regularly next week in Belgium, but only after 9 p.m., and run through April. UNICEF says response has been so strong that the short could soon be seen in Europe, Latin America and Australia with the stipulations that it must air after 7 p.m. local time, it can only be aired with information explaining the clip, and it cannot be put on the Internet. There are no current plans to broadcast the clip in the U.S.

For Stateside fans, and those who prefer their Smurfs intact, a 3-D, CGI-animated Smurfs feature film will bow in theaters in 2008. The extravaganza from Paramount’s Nickelodeon Movies will be the first in a planned trilogy.

Unemployment Line

So it finally happened - I moved back to the big bad Bay Area. Can you believe it???

I’m here to save some money by living rent free (thanks mom) and go back to school to see if this time I can actually finish…which is still to be determined. I start classes on Thursday and am less than excited. I was never built to be a typical student and now with four years in NYC, I’m definitely not suited to be a DVC student for two semesters - but it’s ONLY two semesters and then I am hopefully off to SF State - unless they determine me to be undesirable…which is just ridiculous cause I’m fabulous.

I have no real plan - I’m debating between getting into television production or music or radio or event management.…I’m very torn. So at the moment I guess I’m open to everything - there’s only one problem - I NEED A JOB!!! Preferably something related to my interests above…but I suppose beggars can’t be choosers.

So if anyone has any leads, friends who need help on projects, etc. let me know - I am so available it’s becoming painful.

Hustle and Flow Screening

In case anyone is interested, I just got an email about this from GenArt. Thought some of the SF folks may want to go out and support Craig:

SPECIAL ADVANCE SCREENING & PARTY FOR HUSTLE & FLOW

Tuesday, June 28th
7:00pm

AMC 1000 Van Ness
1000 Van Ness Avenue
San Francisco, CA
*Discounted parking with validation

After-Party:
9:30pm - 11:30pm
Mr. Smith’s
34 7th Street
San Francisco, CA
*Complimentary Valet Parking for all Gen Art members

Complimentary beverages provided by Boru Vodka, Stella Artois, & Red Diamond Wines.

TICKETS:
(include screening & after-party)
Gen Art Members: 2 complimentary tickets
Non-Members: $15/person

Visit www.genart.org or call (415) 284-9400

Weekend in Paris

So I went to Paris this weekend with my mom for a little mini break. It was better than I ever expected and we had an amazing time. We drank and ate everything in sight…and then we drank some more. Mom managed to make friends with complete strangers minding their own business - as is her charming habit - and we walked what we felt like was the entire length of the city.

I am going to do everything in my power to go back to live in Paris for at least six months. I want to get my french back to an acceptable standard.…okay I want to get it back to what I consider to be an acceptable standard. At the very least I will go for a summer, rent an apartment, and relax my days away at cafes and immerse myself in french classes at the Sorbonne again. This time I want to get myself a French boyfriend instead of an English one. English accents are great, but I need to be forced to speak french and what better way than with a sexy frenchman? or a few sexy frenchmen perhaps???

On my way home on this particular trip I unknowingly stumbled on the most amazing airport feature. I was taking the escaltor downstairs to what I thought was the restaurant area. I walked into the room directly in front of me and found myself surrounded by comfortable cushy chairs, a huge flat screen tv with CNN on, and a buffet of croissants, pain au chocolat, biscuits, baguettes, and every juice and coffee imaginable.

My first reaction was “Well this is awfully nice of Air France! How thoughtful!” as I proceeded to take a pain au chocolat and two helpings of fresh orange juice. I sat down and watched CNN and relaxed very happily in the comfiest airport chair ever. Then about a half hour later I noticed the woman across from me take out her cell phone. She was American and was discussing what time she’d be back in the States with someone and I thought “Well that’s strange, only really well off people can afford international cell service…shouldn’t she be in like the private first class area?”

Well.…then i saw this woman at the front desk in front of the door (she must have been away from the desk when i walked in) and she was checking everyone in who walked in the door. and then i realized - oh fuck! i am IN the first class lounge!!! eating their food, drinking their beverages, and enjoying their tv! and then i thought well fuck me - this is great! I’ve broken into their world and gotten away with it, bravo to me! apparently I am a very convincing first class passenger.

But about ten minutes later i decided to high tail it out of there in case the desk lady noticed that she hadn’t checked me in. But whatever - i got FREE breakfast out of it and killed an hour watching tv and it was fabulous. The only awkward moment came when I boarded the plane to go home and the woman with the cell phone was getting situated in her first class seat…she defintiely recognized me from “our” lounge and watched with obvious distaste as I made my way ALL the way back to coach.

The Joys of Renting a Piece of Shit Apartment

Recently I started to notice that my once appealing apartment was beginning to show some wear and tear. Bearing in mind that I live in an old apartment building and shouldn’t expect much, I generally just shrugged my shoulders and figured life could be worse and have been dealing with the little things that keep going wrong.

Lately it has become rather difficult to get out of our bathroom. BUT only if you actually close the door. So the lingering dilemma in our apartment was this: Is it more important to have privacy while in the bathroom and risk not being able to get out, or is it more important to maintain some sort of dignity and not be crying for help to be let out of the bathroom every time you use it? The general consensus between me and my roommate has been to just not completely close the door, close it enough so we know someone is in there, turn the faucet on to signify that it is being used, whatever, just don’t close it unless you want a real challenge with a busted up piece of metal that day.

Now, NORMAL folk would call the super and get it fixed. However, New Yorkers such as ourselves try to avoid our super. She’s a little bit crazy and the less time spent with her the better. To quote the building’s exterminator “If I had to live in this building with your super I’d either drink myself to death or kill the bitch myself”. So you see, we figured a janky bathroom door was worth putting up with in order to avoid a drinking problem or god forbid a homicide.

Last night however put things in perspective. My roommate’s cousin is staying at our apartment for the weekend and had indeed been given the APPROPRIATE warning about the door. Yet somehow at around 11pm last night, the door shut. I was TRYING to sleep seeing as how I had to be up at 5:30am. But who in the world could sleep with this tragedy unfolding outside my screen of a door.

Profanities were yelled, a continuous muted whimpering was heard from inside the bathroom, the crazy Russian or Czech or something or other super was incorrectly lecturing us on why it wasn’t opening, and downstairs outside my window, the super’s not so sharp daughter was attempting to throw a kinda sharp screwdriver upstairs to the poor guy in the bathroom who just wanted to get out.

Finally, after about 45 minutes the poor soul was released, the drama was over, and I could go back to pretending to be asleep in peace.

So now we really have to get the door fixed because NOW, instead of a janky door, we have a door without a knob.…which means we have a door with a big gaping hole, positioned directly in front of and facing the toilet.

Isn’t New York City great?

Mother Nature is a Tease

Yesterday was quite a glorious day here in New York City.

There seemed to be this new experience happening amongst the 8 million people wandering around Manhattan. Reactions ranged from pure shock, incredulous surprise, and the rather uncommon emotional reaction of an actual smile.

It was March 7th, still in the depths of winter, and we were experiencing our first notion of an actual spring. At a perfect 58 degrees, the snow FINALLY melted, the coats were nowhere to be seen, and the outdoor cafes actually once again had something to do with the outdoors.

Mother Nature had taken pity on us, she had graced us with her actual pleasant presence and given us a glimmer of hope when we were all on the brink of sleeping in our snow boots in an effort to save time.

And then today happened. The day started off fairly harmless, little rain shower in the morning, nothing to be concerned about. People ventured out in their light jackets and clogs because it would only logically be at least close to yesterdayâs forecast.

Oh but no…mother nature was playing a nasty, viscous trick on us and we are now in the depths of another bitter, ugly, unforgiving blizzard wearing nothing but our spring coats, girlie shoes, and unnecessary sunglasses.

So I hate to say it, but I have to - I miss California.

I hate people today

I seem to have overestimated some people’s ability to be decent human beings. This has left me in a state of significant (albeit probably temporary) hatred for some folks here in New York City.

I find it difficult to understand a person who finds it unneccesary to say Thank You when the proper time occurs. I also can’t seem to wrap my head around a person who refuses to acknowledge that life does not revolve around them, their issues, their egos, or their pride.

I get that we are all inherently selfish beings, and that looking out for number one is always on the agenda and probably a smart way to live for the most part. I just don’t understand how you can wake up with yourself everyday and believe that other people’s hurt feelings are worth yours remaining firmly intact and undisturbed.

Having said all that, I am officially taking a vacation from the human race. I’m not quite sure what my options are but i am sure i can get creative.

PROJECT SHALLOW

Lately, it has proven very difficult for me to concentrate on the superficial aspects of my life. I have been too distracted by good friends, intelligent conversations, and adoring compliments about how fabulous I am to truly focus on the exterior - the part that really counts.

I have let myself go. Granted my idea of letting myself go includes only two trips to the gym a week and only one appointment to have SOMEONE else blow dry my hair, but still, I must practice what I preach.

Therefore, I am implementing PROJECT SHALLOW. The guidelines and requirements of PROJECT SHALLOW are as follows:

1. Two hours at the gym six days a week regardless of rain, sleet, or snow.
2. On the seventh day, to validate absence of gym attendance, a facial, manicure, and pedicure must be administered.
3. Daily hair maintenance - a ponytail is only allowed once a week - all other times hair must be blown out to look shiny, soft, and flowing ever so seductively over my shoulders.
4. No alcohol
5. No whining - its unattractive.

Foreseeable problems that may interfere and perhaps sabotage PROJECT SHALLOW:

1. Friends - “Fuck the gym, let’s go out!”
2. Men - “You don’t need the gym.” (oh so dangerous)
3. Money - beauty is not only painful my friends but expensive - consistent blow outs, manicures, pedicures, and facial costs will severely dent my bank account - and before you ask NO - I will not do those things at home…shallow and snob generally go hand in hand.
4. Tequila!
5. Work - ten to twelve hour workdays generally lead to no energy which could pose a problem, its somewhat hard to do sit ups when one doesn’t have the energy to actually sit up.

So I am currently weighing the pros and cons. The anticipated problems could be too much for one person to handle alone. I think I may have to recruit another shallow person to participate in this project, the logical choice being Clint.

Additions to PROJECT SHALLOW are welcome, if I have forgotten key elements to leading a truly superficial existence I would love to hear them, along with any likely problems. When I am rich I can pay people to give me advice, suck the fat out of me, get rid of my wrinkles, and of course pay me compliments, but for now I must pretend to care enough to do this on my own.

WEDDING PLANS

Clint and I have finally decided to get married.

Yes, yes i know - he’s gay, but that is so not the point right now.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and after much consideration we have decided that we just can’t take it anymore. A man has caused both of us so much pain and suffering that it has become clear that we are each other’s only salvation.

The man who has ruined our lives goes by the name of George W. Bush, some people use this silly term President when they say his name, but Clint and I simply refuse. As hard as we try to ignore it, it seems that some people may also choose to continue to let this brainless excuse for a human being run the country. Therefore we have decided to flee.

If the “President” gets re-elected Clint and I will have a big gay wedding in New York City, to which we expect everyone to attend, and then prepare for our move. Where you might ask? Well as a sincere Fuck You to the American people who vote for Bush, Clint and I will be using the beauty of my dual citizenship - we will be moving to France.

At the moment we have not decided on the specific location, Clint is all about GAY Paris, while I am pushing for a more neutral place, a little village just outside of Nice would be best, near a “big city”, just shy of Italy, a hop skip and a jump to Monte Carlo, I like some variety.

We plan on drinking lots of wine, eating lots of rich beautiful food without gaining an ounce, taking weekend trips to other countries because we can, and most importantly finding men to “spice” up the marriage.

However, we would like to stay. Marriage is eventually such a chore and the move would cause a lot of stress in what is supposed to be our honeymoon phase. So I am making a desperate plea - if you love us and want us to stay - vote for Kerry.

If you’re dumb enough to vote for Bush then consider us strangers - hateful strangers.

And if you vote for Kerry and Bush still wins, we expect you to visit.

The Uninvited Houseguest

I have mouse.

I have a creepy, crawly, scared little mouse living in my house with me and he has decided to camp out in my bedroom.

Now after the initial “Fuck me that’s a mouse!” reaction I became strangly sympathetic to the poor dirty little creature. Why? Well to begin with its harmless, it probably is just looking for food - which is funny since this bitch doesn’t even cook so there is no chance of finding any food anywhere near me unless the mouse comes along to the restaurant of choice for the evening.

More importantly it is probably more scared of me than I could ever be of him. In fact when I saw it scurry across th edge of my wall and let out my girly squeal it seemed to realize ” oh shit, i went the wrong way” and it scurried back to where it came from and i have not seen it since. So he seems to be avoiding me as much if not more than i am avoiding him.

The bigger problem is the noises. Now everytime i hear a sqeak of a door, a rustling of a paper, even a voice outside, i start looking all over the room for the little fucker. i don’t actually know whats worse, seeing it or hearing it and wondering what its doing. Speaking to my mom also did no good as her response (after squealing and screaming in my ear over the phone) was “Where there’s one, there’s ten more” which really helped my frame of mind.

But the dilemma is how to get rid of it. If i had a cat i would just figure its a battle of David and Goliath and if the little mouse is meant to exist then the cat simply won’t catch him but will merely scare him. However, I don’t have a cat…i also don’t have my dog Rocky who would be cowering in the corner with me and at the very least providing me with some emotional support. So I have to catch it and that means one of two things - I either have to use a trap that will kill it or I have to use a trap that will catch it in a “humane way”.

But either way I will be disturbed. If i kill it then i essentially have murdered a poor defenselss little creature and if i trap it i have to check the traps and deal with a creepy crawly dirty rodent!

I don’t know what to do. I am also scared to tell my roommate as he is more of a girl than I am and I think he may have a seizure if he finds out that there is a mouse in the house. And I don’t know what’s worse for my mental health - killing my roommate with the information that there is a mouse or killing the mouse myself.

what’s a cowardly girl to do?

More Entries

Smurf Killing - seriously - October 11, 2005
Unemployment Line - August 16, 2005
Hustle and Flow Screening - June 14, 2005
Weekend in Paris - May 26, 2005
The Joys of Renting a Piece of Shit Apartment - March 20, 2005
Mother Nature is a Tease - March 08, 2005
I hate people today - January 18, 2005
PROJECT SHALLOW - November 11, 2004
WEDDING PLANS - October 24, 2004
The Uninvited Houseguest - October 17, 2004
For All of Us Nerds Out There - September 15, 2004
TOP TEN THINGS I HATE THIS WEEK - August 09, 2004
Oh Poor Superman... - July 19, 2004
What's A Girl To Do? - July 11, 2004
My Deep Love for Pigtails and Mismatched Shoes - June 23, 2004
WHAT?!?!?! - May 23, 2004
I really really want to be upset about this - May 02, 2004
The Most Hateful Show on TV - April 07, 2004
Silencing my inner rich girl...for now - April 02, 2004
MY RECENT INTERACTION WITH CHILDREN - March 25, 2004
I LOVE THIS ONE - March 19, 2004
TOO FUNNY - March 11, 2004
THE BOREDOM FACTOR - March 10, 2004
THERE IS A GOD - February 20, 2004
I Miss My Old Cat - February 05, 2004
TOP TEN THINGS I HATE THIS WEEK - January 21, 2004
My Very First Time - January 16, 2004